Throwing it all down the drain

The pretty assistant carefully wrapped up the velvet and lace dress in tissue paper and then put it in the shop's trademark pink and black bag. She tied on a pink ribbon and handed it to Jilly with a flourish.

'There you are. It's a lovely dress. A bit pricey but excellent quality. Are you going anywhere special?'

Jilly handed the bag to her sister Penny and hunted around in her bag for her card.

'It's my husband's birthday next week and I'm hoping we'll be going out. '
She paused and wrinkled her brow. She lifted her hand up to brush back her hair from her face.
'Are you sure it wasn't too small?'

The assistant was already turning to deal with another customer, she sounded bored when she spoke.

'You can always change it if you're not happy with it.'

'It looked lovely Jilly, it really did. The colour brought out your eyes.'

Penny, five years younger had always been Jilly's  biggest fan.
 Jilly smiled at her gratefully.

'Come on Penny, let me treat you to coffee at the place over the road. It looks new and it says they serve proper Italian coffee.'

Jilly ordered two almond pastries and two lattes. She put the bag with the dress on a chair. It was too special to go on the floor.
The cafe was full and the rich warm aroma of the coffee and the sounds of laughter from the schoolgirls, helped Jilly feel brighter She looked across at the schoolgirls on the sofa and tried to remember what it had felt like to be young and carefree.

Life had seemed so exciting then. She had always been popular and attractive and life had seemed a great adventure.

Jilly had worked as a model and then got a job as an air-hostess and that's where she had met the man of her dreams, Captain Phil Browning. He was the most handsome of the pilots, She couldn't believe it when he asked her out and was soon head over heels in love. It wasn't long before on an overnight stop to Frankfurt he had asked her to marry him. It was in the days before mobile phones and she had been bursting to tell everyone when she got back to Manchester. She couldn't believe her luck. Her one and only love.
Penny had been her bridesmaid and it had been a fairytale wedding.
Jilly had stopped working as a hostess when Michelle and Rachel were born. It didn't seem right for them to have two parents away from home.
 When the girls started school Jilly got a job at the local old people's home in the day centre. It had been Penny's idea. Jilly had such a kind and caring nature and working on the airlines had been praised for her skills in looking after elderly passengers.

The young waitress came over with their order. She placed the lattes and the almond pastries on the table with a flourish.

'Here you are ladies, enjoy.'

Jilly bit into her pastry and watched as the waitress flirted with the young man on the next table. Their laughter drifted across to her bringing some light-hearted relief.

She yearned to go back to when she had felt safe, felt joy and there were no dark clouds hanging heavily over her all the time.

She brushed the crumbs off her jacket and turned to smile at Penny.


'Great idea to come here Penny, thank you so much.'





There had been a time when felt like she had everything, a handsome husband, two lovely daughters, active parents and parents-in-law and a lovely sister.

Then overnight her life changed. She hadn't seen it coming it at all.
Looking back she should have read the signs. Phil was away from home for increasingly long periods. He would ring at the last minute to say he was staying away.
He often brought home bottles of expensive wine from his trips and would describe the colour and flavour in eloquent terms as they chatted in the evenings about what the girls had been doing and their next holiday.
 At first she thought it was just a hobby and even encouraged his new found interest in wine. She'd look out for special offers for the best quality wines and feel proud when he praised her good taste. He called himself a connoisseur and talked about organizing wine tasting sessions.
The first time alarm bells rang was when she found a whole load of empty bottles in the dustbin after a week when he had been flying daily. They weren't just wine bottles, there were vodka bottles too.
 She dismissed her fears. He was a pilot. Rules on drinking were very strict.

It was her mother that made it impossible for her to live in denial any longer.

'I saw Phil in the 'Queen's Head' when I was with my Book club. I thought he was in Amsterdam. He's a handsome man Jilly, but you are also lovely, he's lucky to have you.'

That night Jilly had made a special supper, his favourite Steak and kidney. She opened a bottle of wine and watched in horror as he downed three glasses.

'How was Amsterdam Phil, did you remember to buy the Dutch dolls for Michelle's collection?'

Phil had turned on her, his face a mask of fury.

'Stop pretending. You know I wasn't in Amsterdam. Your interfering mother must have told you. Stupid dolls, of course I didn't get them.'

Jilly took a deep breath and tried to hide her shock.

'Whatever is wrong Phil, we can deal it with together. Is there someone else?'

She waited for his reply with a feeling of dread in her heart that settled itself like an unwelcome guest.

'Oh for goodness sake Jilly, are you blind? I got caught for speeding and they did a breathalyser and it was positive. You know the rules, that was the end of my career. No more flying for me. My life's over.'

 He stood over her, a threatening look on his face,

'Don't you dare tell my parents. It would break their hearts. Don't you dare.'

The anger and the spiteful tone were like a slap in the face. At that moment all Jilly could think of was protecting her daughters from what their father had become. From that moment on her life became a walk on egg shells to keep a balance and limit the damage done to her family.

It was Penny's husband John who managed to persuade Phil to attend the AA meetings. He had a friend that went there and was now in the clear and helping others to overcome their addiction.  The AA meetings and with the doctor's help  some sort of normality returned to their lives. Penny's husband John was a Guitar teacher and he  often went with Phil to the AA meetings  and organized concerts. Phil seemed determined to beat his addiction and got a job at the local airfield working in the office. In her heart though Jilly knew she could never let her guard down .

Jilly drained her latte. Her sister was looking at her in a worried way. She put her hand gently on Jilly's.

'John says that Michelle and Rachel are very gifted musicians. He thinks that Rachel might like the saxophone.'

Penny ate the last piece of almond pastry. She took out her smartphone.

'Look at this video I took when they came round last week. It's brilliant.'

Jilly listened to her daughters playing a duet of 'Let it Be' and pinched her nose to stop the tears.

'It's lovely. Thanks Penny. Do you think it's true though?  We should just let things be? Or should we try and sort things out.?'

Penny squeezed her hand and sighed.

'I suppose it means that we should never act in haste but think things through properly first.'

'You always were the wise one of the two of us Penny, my little sister.' Jilly gently ruffled her sister's curls.

'Who wants to be wise eh? You're the fun one.'

Jilly stood up and turned away to hide her emotions.

'Let's have another cup, it's the best coffee in town.'

When Jilly brought the coffee back she took out a notebook from her bag.

'I'm doing a really interesting project at the day centre.  You know I've got all these schoolgirls doing the ladies nails and helping the men with their crosswords? Well I was listening to the way they open up with the young ones and thought maybe I could record all their life stories. You  know, just ordinary life stories that will make them live on. It's amazing the detail that old people remember from their youth.  One old man told us all about him getting the cane, he looked so mischievous describing his naughty antics. A sweet old lady told us all about working in a laundry and another one about walking to work in bare feet to save her shoes from wearing out.
 I've been taking notes.'

Jilly paused and took a deep breath.

 'Look at this account of Christmas day in the twenties, no heating, wet clothes, a pair of slippers the only present, but they said they were as happy as can be.'

Penny took the notebook and read some of Jilly' notes.

'That is so interesting Jilly. You are like a guardian of their memories, that's a brilliant idea.' She looked straight at her sister, 'Hey, you're crying, what's the matter?'

 Jilly gulped and wiped at her eyes with her sleeve.

'It's Phil. He's drinking again. I found a whole load of bottles stuffed at the bottom of a wardrobe wrapped in old jumpers.'

Penny put her hand on Jilly's arm and squeezed. She didn't know what to say. How could this have happened to her lovely sister and her handsome husband? Her heart ached for them and their two daughters. She knew that John would want to help, at least to make sure that Phil attended the meetings.

Jilly went to pay for the coffees. For a moment here in The Cedar cafè she had felt like a normal woman having coffee with her sister and buying a new dress for her husband's birthday. She tried to ignore the dark hand of fear wrapped round her heart.

 She took out her notebook.

There was one story that she hadn't told Penny.

She hadn't told her sister about Mrs. Davies.

The old lady had looked straight at Jilly as she was recounting her childhood memories. It was as if she could see into Jilly's heart. Mrs.Davies's voice was steady as she told Jilly about her drunken father, how he would slam the front door and lurch up the stairs calling out in anger. She and her sister would cower under their bed. Sometimes they'd hear their mother shout in fright and their brothers yell in pain.  There was no AA in those days. Some of the memories were too personal and painful for Jilly to write down. It was as if Mrs. Davies knew that she was talking to someone who would understand and help her put her painful memories to rest. Jilly had listened to Mrs. Davies with tears streaming down her cheeks. They were both crying as Mrs. Davies told Jilly how her mother had tried to protect her children from their alcoholic violent father. Mrs Davies was shaking so hard that Jilly put her arms round her and held her close. Her voice was muffled through the tears and the cloth of Jilly's jacket.

'There had been no escape for me, the man I married turned out to be just the same,' she'd sobbed. ' They say you marry a man like your father, well I did.'

Jilly paid the bill and dropped some coins into the box for tips. The waitress mouthed a thank you and beamed at her.

Penny came up with the dress shop bag.

'You looked gorgeous in that new dress Jilly.  Come to dinner at our house for Phil's birthday. We'd love that. Wear the dress and wow him. Michelle and Rachel could play him a tune or two. We'll have a good time. We've got to make them happy memories'

Jilly put her arm round her sister.

'We'll do that Penny, thank you, I'll ask Phil this evening.'

The house was quiet as Jilly let herself in. The girls were staying with her mother for the day.  She called out to Phil and when she got no reply went to the bedroom to try on the new dress. It was a bit tight. Maybe she would take it back and  it did show rather too much cleavage. She stared at herself in the mirror trying to see the girl she had been when there was a movement behind her and she saw Phil's face join hers in the mirror. He was scowling, his hair was unkempt and he looked furious.

'Where are you going dressed like that you tramp? I knew it, you've got someone else.'

She backed away but he grabbed her by the hair, yanking her back onto the bed. She screamed in pain as he punched her in the stomach and then slapped her round the face.
She could taste blood as she cried out,

'No! There's nobody else, there's only ever been you.'

She struggled to sit up. He let go of her and she fell forward. She stared at him in horror.

'You had everything and you've thrown it all down the drain.'

Phil slumped onto the bed. He put his head between his knees and his shoulders shook.

He lifted his head up and tried to pull her towards him. His face was wet with tears,

'I'm so sorry Jilly, please forgive me.'

She backed away and put her hand up to her swollen cheek. A huge wave of anger washed over her. She though of Mrs Davies and her miserable life, finding solace only now in her old age. It had been a wake up call for Jilly. She needed to break the cycle, to protect her daughters. She pulled her shoulders back and stood up straight and held Phil's gaze.

' It's not about forgiving Phil. It's about changing your ways. These days there is lots of help and now you're going to go back to the AA. We're going to tell your parents what's going on and we'll get help. '

Phil lowered his head and nodded. He looked calm now and she almost went to hug him, but she held back. She had to be strong for the girls. She was determined to heal her husband from whatever it was that had caused this. She was going to break the cycle. She had Penny and her parents and together they would win, she knew they would.
Tomorrow morning she would go and visit Mrs Davies and take her flowers and the latest copy of the woman's magazine she loved reading. Maybe she could write a piece for the magazine about overcoming alcoholism. The dark cloud above her head shifted, a ray of light appeared and she felt the first stirrings of hope.