Ch Ch Ch Changes

The snowfall during the night had completely covered the For Sale sign.
Jilly went to brush it away, but her gloved hand hovered in mid air.
Just for a moment longer she wanted to think of the house as her home and to pause and reflect awhile.


The sound of snow sliding off the roof made her turn round and she looked up at the beautiful bow window where her dressing table had been.

She had sat there brushing her dark brown curly hair and putting kohl eyeliner round her beautiful brown eyes thousands of times. She thought back to their first party, home from the honeymoon and eager to have their friends round as a married couple.
The house had seemed far too big for just the two of them but Tom had inherited it from his elderly parents who had both passed on.
The house and Tom were to be her refuge after her traumatic miserable childhood, at last she had found a haven.
 It had been so exciting to know that they would close the door at the end of the evening and go up to their bedroom, freshly decorated by Tom .
She had bought a new pink satin slip dress for the occasion. David Bowie had been on the radio singing 'Ch ch changes'. She'd loved that song , It had seemed a sign when Tom had come into the room and swept her up in his arms and together they had belted out the chorus of the song, Ch ch changes, no longer would they be alone, they would have lots of children and the house would be full of friends and laughter, their lives were changing for the best.

Jilly walked across the garden enjoying the crunchy noise her boots made in the snow. She looked up at her son Ben's bedroom window. She felt her heart swell and a tear slid down her cheek.
No-one who met him now, a charming dedicated vet with a busy practise in Exeter, could possibly guess what a difficult baby and toddler he had been.
 All those sleepless nights, his terrible colic and then his learning difficulties and unruly behaviour that turned out to be due to an undiagnosed hearing problem. It had been a challenge for both of them, left on their own all the time. Tom had been so often away working hard to build his business laying gas pipes all over the world and she had had no relatives.
 Jilly had poured all her patience and humour into bringing up Ben to be a well adjusted and competent young man.
 In hindsight it had been Ben's love of animals that had saved them both, the little dogs and cats that had been a constant source of joy. Hamsters, guinea pigs, dogs and cats, Jilly and Ben had loved them all.
Tom was so busy at work, often travelling away from home for weeks on end and when he came home  he was always exhausted. Jilly had  tried  so hard to create a happy atmosphere to make him want to come back, to be glad to be home again. She was aware of the temptations he might meet on his travels and sometimes it seemed to her that she had spent her whole marriage worrying about losing him.

 Jilly stood still breathing in the crisp air and savouring the tingling sensation on her cheeks. She looked at the flower bed where all their various pets had found a final resting place. She thought of the baby she had lost before Ben was born, and thought that maybe that's why she had had so much patience with him. She had always felt so lucky to have him. Her phone rang, startling the few birds who were looking for food in the garden hedge. It was Tom.

'I'm nearly there now, won't be long, sorry I'm late.'

It was a sort of mantra that she had heard so many times when he was away on his trips. She replied as she always had,

'That's alright, drive carrefully, I'll be waiting, love you.''

With a sigh she walked up to the kitchen window and peered in. How many times had she sought solace at the large oak table, going through the motions of putting the kettle on and making tea which had been her solution to all problems. When she'd lost the baby, when her mother had died, when her father had told her that he was off to live in Scotland with a girl from work, and whenever Tom rang to tell her time and time again that he wouldn't be home after all, he would be late, something had cropped up.

The phone rang again, this time it was her friend Cathy.

'Hey there Jilly, all ok? Your bed's all ready and I've made a Thai curry.'

'Thanks Cathy, 8 o clock ok for you?'

'Great, and I've got a dvd for us to watch.'

Jilly  shivered as a few snowflakes started to fall. In spite of the cold weather it would soon be Spring, her favourite season. Her birthday was coming up, so often she had spent it without Tom.
She thought how different it would be this year and felt an unexpected thrill of excitement. She started humming 'Ch ch ch changes.'

She walked towards the old shed and rubbed away at the window with her glove. There was a pile of old bikes and tricycles. She smiled to herself, a whole childhood in a shed, from baby walker to mountain bike.

 When Ben had left to go to uni Jilly had gone to the doctor thinking she had empty nest syndrome. She was crying all the time and felt like a black cloud was hanging over her. Without even looking up, the doctor had scribbled  a prescription for some pills. Her life had become a sort of fog after that. Then two years ago her doctor had retired and a new young  doctor had taken his place. He had suggested that Jilly could talk to someone  and stop taking the pills.
The next thing she knew she was sitting in a comfortable armchair talking to a well-groomed young woman, a psychologist called Mary. Through a mist of tears Jilly had told her all about her difficult childhood, how she had had to act as go-between with her angry aggressive father and her mum who never had the strength to do any housework or put a hot meal on the table. How she had hoped to have such a wonderful marriage and family with Tom, but he was always away and she was so afraid he would leave her, about coping on her own with her son Ben, about her disappointment at having left school at fifteen with no qualifications, and about the baby.
Mary had made her a cup of tea. She had listened carefully and asked a few gentle questions then told her to come back the following week.
Afterwards on the way home  Jilly had switched the radio on and there was that David Bowie song, 'Ch ch ch  changes'.  She couldn't believe the coincidence, thinking of it as a sign. She listened carefully to the words and when she heard the line 'So I turned to face me,' she knew what she had to do. Only she could change her life. Right at that moment she saw her life as a shining gem radiating energy and possibility that no-one but she would ever possess no matter what its deficiencies. Her relationship with Tom and  with her own father might have cracked but perhaps new pathways could be navigated, winding their way round the obstacles and forging better ones.
When Tom came home at the weekend she told him that she loved him , she only wanted him, but did he want her still?
He had looked at her in astonishment.

'You see Tom I was listening to that David Bowie song that we used to love so much 'Ch ch Changes,' and it made me think about where I am going and then I thought of something I read once, I think it's by St.Paul. He says our lives are like a tapestry. We can only see the broken threads, the loose ends, the bits where the colour changes and the slipped stitches, but one day it will be turned over and then it will be  a picture and I want mine to be a good one.'

Tom's mouth had hung open. He listened in amazement as Jilly continued.

'Ben is opening an animal sanctuary with Misha his girlfriend and says I could work there. There's a cottage for sale nearby. This house is too big for us and I feel lonely being so much on my own. I' d like to see a new family living here. It needs to be filled with laughter and muddy football boots and loud music coming from the bedrooms.'

Tom had put his arms round her.

'Jilly, you and Ben are all my world. It's you that have kept me going with the business all these years. I know it's been hard for you but I couldn't have done it without you. Ben told me about the animal sanctuary and I think it's a great idea. I'm looking into early retirement.  I think I've laid enough pipes. We need a change. We'll have a new start.'

He had kissed her tenderly. Then he surprised her by singing 'Let's turn and face the strain.' She giggled and started to speak but he gently put his finger on her lips and went on.

'I want to be the star of your tapestry, I want to be a golden thread. We'll make it magnificent.'

He had kissed her again. This time with all the passion of a new love as though they had met for the first time and were drawn by an irresistible attraction. Then he had drawn back and wiped away a tear from her cheek.

'We'll find a nice family to carry on the torch here,'

Jilly hugged him tight and tried to stop the tears. Tom held her away from him and he saw in her the lovely young woman who had sat at the dressing table on the night of their first party all those years ago. He had looked at her then and a warm feeling of deep pleasure and relief had swept over her as she recognized his saucy look that she used to know so well. Tom traced his finger over her lips and she started to tremble as he held her tight and whispered in her ear.

'You're the only one for me Jilly, I think I might just start right now to try and make up for all those years of neglect.'

***

The snow was falling thick and fast and Jilly went round to the front of the house. Tom would be here soon and then they would go to Cathy's for the night and drive down to the cottage tomorrow. Misha was preparing a special celebration lunch. She was from Belarus and was delighted that they would all be living near each other.

 Jilly put her hand up to the For Sale sign and with a swift movement brushed the snow away to reveal the word

SOLD.