Don't let them smell your fear

It was the first day of the new term and the September sun shone bright into the classroom.  The children were all listening to the headmistress Mrs Taggersall telling them about the new swimming pool that had been built by the Lion's club. Sally admired her new shoes under the desk, twisting them to the right and then to the left. Sally loved the first day of term, seeing all her friends after the long summer holiday, the new exercise books, the smell of her new satchel. It wasn't really new, it was her brother Richard's. He had given it to her because he had a brand new one for all the books he had to carry now he was studying for his O levels. Sally took the invitations to her party out of her pocket. Mummy had given her enough for all the class and an extra one in case there was anyone new. The weather was so lovely that they were going to have the party in the garden and Richard was going to help with the games and bring them all ice creams.

Her name was called 'Sally Bates', making her jump. She looked at the teacher Mrs. King trying to keep a straight face. Daddy was always telling her off for giggling.

Mrs King was smiling at her.

'Sally you have been chosen to be the janitor for Table 4 of the infants This means you will supervise their lunch and make sure they all file out through the gate at home time.'


Sally stifled a giggle. In charge of the infants. It sounded so important. Richard would be amazed. She couldn't wait to tell him. He was a prefect and very bossy, no doubt he would think it ridiculous that she should be in charge of anything let alone small children. He still blamed her for letting the hamster out of the cage and never be seen again.

At lunchtime Sally handed out the invitations to her party and then went to the dining room to sit at her table with the infants. They were all chattering away and playing with the cutlery. She cleared her throat and looked at them the way Richard looked at her when he was cross. They stopped immediately and stared at her.

'Hello everyone my name is Sally. I am your Janitor. 'She paused, some of the girls had started to giggle.
'Let's play a game shall we' Let's pretend that we've been invited to have lunch with the Queen and if we don't behave properly…. she'll chop off our heads.'

To her delight and surprise, they all laughed, a joyous happy sound that went through her like a beam of sunshine. Everyone except one little boy, he was smaller than the others, his head was bent down and he kept tugging at his sleeves, pulling them down over his hands.

The teacher called out
'Table 4' and Sally went to collect their trays.

There was mashed potato, peas and some sort of meat stew.

There were cries of 'ugh, I don't like that, I don't want that.'

Sally took the serving spoons and started with the  little boy on her right.
'Would you like mashed potato Sir, it's made with the finest butter and our very best potatoes. Also the peas are hand picked specially for school dinners and the stew is from our finest cattle.'

The little boy laughed,

'I'll have a little bit of everything please.

'Very well, the Queen will not chop off your head today.'

Sally went round the table improvising as she went trying to entertain them. They all responded with smiles and giggles except the little boy who just nodded and then started picking at his food with a fork.

When she sat down to have her own meal she addressed the table.

'You all know my name, now can I please learn yours?'

By turn the children called out their names, all except the little boy. She noticed his sleeves had ridden up and she could see vivid bruises on his wrists.

She called to him trying to sound like mummy did when she wanted to know what was wrong with Richard when he was in one of his moods.
'And you little fellow, can I please know your name, would you like me to try and guess''

'Yes' called out the girls, 'like Rumpelstiltskin!?

' Okay, I'll guess and if I get it right, extra pudding for me! I see it is chocolate sponge.'

The children turned to her expectantly, mischief all over their faces. She couldn't help grinning back at them they looked so sweet. She was determined to make the little boy smile too.

'Is it Matthew?

'Noo' they all called

Simon? James? Tim ? David? Philip? Richard? Rudolph?

At the mention of Rudolph they collapsed in helpless giggles.

Mrs King appeared and stood by Sally looking at the children,

'There is a lot of merriment at this table, may I join in.'

Sally felt herself go red, how embarrassing , she looked up at Mrs King.

'I am sorry Mrs King it's my fault, I was trying to guess the name of the little fellow in the red jumper.

She was surprised to see that Mrs King looked very sad and went round the able and lay her hand on the little boy's arm, she leant down and spoke gently,

'Come on Little Ray you can tell Sally your name?

A tear slid down the little boy's face, Sally felt terrible. The little boy next to her, Simon, called out,

'That's not fair, now she knows, she knows it's Ray!'

Sally smiled at him,

'It's alright it just means I won't have an extra piece of chocolate pudding, no harm done.'

As Mrs King moved away she squeezed Sally on the shoulder and whispered to her,

'Well done Sally, you are doing well.'

That made her feel a lot better and she looked at the children,

'Right let's see how good my memory is, she went round the table,
'Karen, Sharon, Paula, Dawn, Jeanette, Simon, Peter, Amanda, Stephen and Little Ray.'


'I think the Queen will invite you to lunch again tomorrow.'

As the children left the table to run into the playground she was rewarded with hugs and Simon stopped and looked at her his face serious,
'I like you' he said and her heart filled with joy.

At home time daddy had told her to go straight home on the bus if there was nobody waiting for her, mummy hadn't been feeling well and he would try and get home early.

The sun had gone in and there were dark clouds in the sky. She looked around and there was no sign of daddy so she hurried to the bus stop. She was surprised to see Little Ray waiting there, he seemed a bit young to go home on his own. The bus arrived and she got on giving the conductor her two pennies. Her friends Tracey and Michelle called out to come on the top deck, but something made her hesitate. She saw Little Ray sidle into a seat downstairs and she went to sit by him. He immediately pulled down his sleeves and turned to look out of the window.

The bus chugged up the hill and past the common. Sally loved playing on the common. There was an area with slides and swings and roundabouts and a little stream where she and Richard used to paddle, but her brother was too old for that now.

She turned to Little Ray'

' I am sorry that I didn't guess your name Ray, It's a lovely name, it makes me think of sunshine. Do you like Autumn Ray' I love Autumn, not only because it's my birthday, but I love the golden leaves and the conkers. Last week I went to the common with my brother and we found some lovely shiny conkers. Would you like to come and see them?

On an impulse she took the extra invitation out of her pocket.

'Tell you what here's an invitation to my party tomorrow. I'll be ten. Would you like to come?'

Little Ray didn't answer but he took the invitation and stuffed it in his pocket. She could see his face in the reflection in the glass and it looked like  he was trying to smile.

The bus stopped and Tracey and the other girls came clattering down the stairs, they waved at her as the bus set off again, calling out that they would come to her party.

There was only Ray and her left on the bus and when it stopped at the end of the common they both got off. There was nobody waiting for them. She could see the lights on in her house, mummy must be waiting for her making tea and jam tarts.

The bus driver called out,

'Go straight home Sally there's a storm on the way. '

She waved back and set off towards her house, but turned back and looked at Little Ray. He was pulling at his sleeves and looked even smaller.

'Would you like to come home with me Ray and then my daddy can take you home?'

The little boy ran towards her and grabbed hold of her hand.

He seemed to be sobbing as he spoke into her sleeve
'Can't angry, go home, mummy scared, '

She could just about make out the words and she didn't like them.

'Where do you live Little Ray, shall I take you home?'

Little Ray gripped her hand even tighter and nodded vigorously.

'Where do you live'

Little Ray pointed towards the lane, the long dark lane that lead away from the common and the village and towards dark woods and farm cottages. Sally had only been down that lane once, Richard had frightened her and told her bad people were down there and witches.

She looked at the sky, it was going to rain. Surely it wouldn't take her long she could take him home and then run back, she was good at running. She'd come first last year at Sports Day.

Little Ray was holding her hand so tight she couldn't feel it anymore.

She bent down and looked him in the eyes,

'I'll come with you and take you home and then another day we can ask if you can come to my house for tea ok?

He nodded and wiped at his grimy face.

They set off down the lane walking quickly. It was very dark and overhung with trees. At the end there was a gate into a farm yard and Little Ray pulled her in. She stopped as she noticed a Rottweiler watching them. It was snarling and she heard a low growl. It stood up and its chain rattled.  Richard had told her that dogs can tell if you are afraid and so  she breathed in slowly and said to herself over again 'I am not afraid, I am not afraid'.

'Little Ray cowered away from the dog who was still growling,

'That's Saber, he's our guard dog, but I'm scared of him, he killed our kitten.'

The door to the cottage opened with a bang. A large man wearing a dirty vest that looked like underwear with an overhanging stomach and stubble on his face stepped out and glared at them, He looked like Desperate Dan from one of Richard's comics and Sally wanted to giggle but something told her that would not be a good idea.

The man stepped towards them and Saber started barking,

'Who are you? what do you want, what are you doing with him?

Sally felt like running but Saber looked terrifying and the man smelt funny like the drinks daddy had at Christmas but not nice and Little Ray was still gripping her hand.

'I'm Sally and I've brought Ray home because, well because, we were on our own and I want to invite him to tea one day and we have jam tarts.'

The man threw back his head and laughed, but not a happy laugh, it was really quite a frightening laugh like an old witch.

He called back into the house,

'Come and hear this you old crow. Sally has invited Ray to tea and there's going to be tarts

Something about the way the man said, 'Sally,' 'tea' and 'tarts', frightened Sally to the core of her being. She had to think quickly.

'My dad is waiting for me' , She pointed with her head to the gate,

'He's waiting, he told me to be quick, I just brought Ray home.'

She was relieved to see that at the mention of her dad the man calmed down a bit.

A little woman appeared at the doorway, she had dirty blonde hair and was wearing what looked like an old petticoat. A cigarette was dangling from her thin fingers and she looked like a puff of wind would blow her way, but when Little Ray saw her he let go of Sally's hand and ran towards her,

'Mummy, you're better'.

The woman  took a deep drag on her cigarette and then hugged Little Ray blowing the smoke all over his head.

The man took a step towards Sally, he was very big. She stepped back.

'Don't let him smell the fear.' she repeated over and over again.

'Sorry I have to go, dad is waiting, I hope Ray can come to my party. '

Then with one eye on Saber and one eye on the man she stepped backwards all the way to the gate.

She turned into the lane and ran like the wind. She thought she could hear Saber coming after her but she ran and ran. The rain was falling now and then she saw a light at the end of the lane. It looked like the Dynamo on Richard's new bike.

It was Richard's voice, and he sounded so worried, it almost made her want to laugh but instead she threw herself upon him and burst into tears. She couldn't stop crying.

Richard hugged her and then said in his normal voice,

'You stupid girl I've been looking everywhere for you. Mum saw you get off the bus and then you disappeared. Here, you can ride on my crossbar, let's get you home. Just don't wriggle about like you normally do.'

As they neared their house and she could see the lights and mummy waiting at the door and then thought of Little Ray going home to his house, she thought how the most wonderful thing in the whole world will always be going home to her family.

She got off the bike and hugged her brother,

'I love you Richard, thank you for coming to get me.'

Richard bent down to unclip his bicycle clips,

'You stupid girl don't ever do that again, but yeah I love you too.'

The next day at school Sally was greeted by cries of 'Happy birthday from all her class and at lunchtime as she sat down with her infants they all sang happy birthday, but she was dismayed that there was no sign of Little Ray.
When Mrs King came by she asked her if she knew where he was.
Mrs. King pulled her to one side,

'It seems that Little Ray is going to live in one of the new houses on the council estate.  He'll live there with his mother and little sister and be properly looked after. The school was told that one pupils took him home and invited him to her party. It seems this encounter gave his mother the courage to start again.'

Mrs King smiled at Sally,

'You're a very brave and kind little girl Sally, it's a pleasure to have you in our school.'