A Reason to Stay

As the plane taxied down the runway Linda felt her heart sink. She gazed out at the wet tarmac and as the plane lifted off the ground she took in the rolling countryside and struggled to fight the tears. She felt so confused as she watched her beloved countryside spread out below her. She could see the coastal path that she had trod every day of her childhood and make out the villages where she had spent her youth. A vast grey cloud was settling over her just like the mists which roll over the bay in Autumn.

A few hours before she had said goodbye to her family at the airport gate. She had looked closely to see a sign of regret at her parting, maybe a glistening in their eyes or even a 'we'll miss you'. They looked impatient to leave. Her sister-in-law talking about a dinner party, her mother wanting a cup of tea. Her father kept repeating 'Which cow pat did you tread in?' referring to her landing a job teaching English in an Iternational School. Her brother started to talk about the parking ticket.

The plane rose above the clouds and she was dazzled by the sun streaming through the window.

She closed her eyes and leant back in her seat trying to calm her jumbled emotions.

She felt happy, she felt sad, she felt excited, she felt scared, she felt lost and she also felt that somehow she was found. She was going to Italy to work in a school and be near the young man that she had fell in love with when she was seventeen. When he had asked her to marry him she was confused. How could she leave her family, her country, her life? Her parents had been so enthusiastic, this had confused her more. She thought they would have objected, wanted her to stay. Instead they were excited, they were going to live an adventure through her. They were so impressed with Sebastiano. He was handsome, his English was impeccable, he played the guitar, his father was a lawyer. Sebastiano was an accountant in an international firm. He had short hair. The remarks by Linda's father on this last quality were usually followed by 'unlike your usual long haired friends'. Her parents made plans, they were going to come and visit often, rent a villa by the sea, spend whole summers with Linda and Sebastiano, invite all their friends to tour Italy.

It hadn't turned out quite like that.

In those days telephone calls were costly and difficult, letters took weeks to arrive, charter flights were expensive and unreliable. Her parents health suffered, her brother and his wife had other things to do.She had to fight hard to stop her homesickness becoming melancholy. She had to keep on remembering how lost she had felt. The feeling of being lost is one you never forget.

Years later she had sent a card to one of her children, 'give your children roots to grow, wings to fly' were the printed words. She had added 'A reason to return.'

How she had suffered missing her family. It had never gone away. Her life had just grown around the pain of losing them. She'd read a book by a Canadian likening moving to another country as a death, a loss, you go into mourning, you have to find something to replace what you have lost and help yourself stop being melancholic.

The one thing that hadn't changed was her love for Sebastiano and his family.

His parents had welcomed her with open arms. they'd loved her from the start. They never stopped telling her how much they loved her. She was the daughter they had never had. They needed her, as the years went by, more and more.

A loud ring of the doorbell made Linda jump.  She hastily wiped her eyes and went to open the door.

Her daughter Emma burst in, followed by her three year old twin boys, Tommaso and Leonardo, who flung themselves at Linda, clinging onto her legs like little koala bears. Their eight year old sister, Sofia came up and gently prised them off and hugged her grandmother, leaning up to kiss her cheek. The boys rushed into the kitchen looking for Linda's secret supply of sweets. Emma asked Sofia to follow them and went to her mother.

She took in Linda's red eyes and sighed. 'Maybe I shouldn't have given you those boxes to sort out. They have been in the garage gathering dust and I thought you might like the chance to sort them out.  I tell you what we can do it together .' She paused and smiled at her mother and when she spoke her voice was full of warmth and kindness.

 

  ' I think we should all have a cup of tea'.

It was exactly what her own mother would have said and not for the first time Linda marvelled at how life could sometimes give you back precious things you had lost. There was so much of her mother in her daughter. All the good that had been in her mother she could see in her daughter.

Emma put her arm round her mother and pointed to the letters spread out on the bed. She spoke softly:

"Let's put them away for now. It's good to go down Memory Lane for a while, there's lots of happiness to be found there. You just have to take it easy and come back to the present every so often. Let's go to the kitchen now. The boys sound like they're getting out of hand. Sofia and I have made biscuits!"

Later, when they had left in a flurry of hugs and kisses, Linda gathered up the letters, which had brought back so many emotions and tied them with a ribbon . She sprayed them with some perfume and held them close for a moment next to her heart then she  went to the bedroom. There on the bedside table was a folded piece of paper with Sofia's name on it.. Linda unfolded it and felt her heart swell as she read, "I LOVE Grandma".

She heard her father's voice:

"Which cowpat did you step in?"