Stories from the Cedar cafè, Jackie 2

This is the second of my stories from the Cedar Cafè. the first is about Margo and Angus.


The Cedar cafè had put in a special ramp for easy access.  Jackie deftly opened the door and manoeuvred her mother's wheelchair into the cafè. The warmth, the rich aroma of the Italian espresso and the subdued chatter of the customers filled her with a sense of well-being. She felt herself relax. She realized her mother was saying something and bent down to her level.

'I'm so glad we've found this cafè  Jackie, it's so easy to get in and I like to see the schoolchildren don't you?'

' The coffee's nice too. Shall we share a Danish pastry ?'

'Oh yes lovely, my treat today.'

 Jackie settled her mother at one of the round tables and went to place their order. As she stood waiting for her turn she looked across at her mother, her freshly set hair gleaming as a ray of sunshine found its way across to her like a searchlight looking for a star.  Jackie's heart contracted with a feeling of intense tenderness.  It had taken her mother some time to accept the wheelchair but now they were able to get out and about all over the place. Every Friday Jackie took her mother to have her hair done at the 'New wave' salon and then  took her out for coffee.

When  Jackie had left the house this morning she had felt like a dark cloud was hanging over her head and a knife was constantly ripping open her heart.
 When she'd discovered the restaurant bill in Mike's car and the sunglasses in the side pocket she had felt so desperate, it was her worst nightmare.  She had gone about in a daze,  feeling that her life had been torn to shreds. She had thought that if she didn't confront him then it wouldn't be true.  Jackie had a few close friends that she could confide in but felt that once they knew then their relationship might change. They'd feel sorry for her or might tell her she should leave Mike or other well-meant advice.. Her mother seemed so frail now that it didn't seem fair to burden her.  Jackie felt as though she was fighting against sadness and she would never stop feeling sad ever again and there was an endless hole of pain inside her.  It was while pushing her mother along from the hairdressers to the Cedar cafè that her mother had spoken.

'Jackie dear, is something worrying you? ' She spoke in such a calm and reassuring way .
Jackie was so surprised she  stopped pushing and walked round to face her mother.

'Oh mum is it that obvious?  It's Mike. I'm so scared that he's got someone else.'

'Well let's go and have our coffee and you can tell me all about it.'

For the first time a thin veil of hope wound its way round  Jackie's heart.  The way her mother had spoken made her feel a bit more normal again.  She realized that she had been in danger of breaking down under the weight of the pain of Mike's betrayal.

It had somehow been easier than she would have imagined to walk along talking to the back of her mother's head. The words came rushing out to describe how she felt and how alone and scared she was. She knew her mother was listening intently and it made her able to articulate her thoughts and fears in a way that meant some sort of solution was forming itself inside her.



 Jackie took the coffees and the pastry to the table. Her mother's face lit up at the sight of the large cup of frothy cappuccino.  Jackie cut the pastry into bite sized pieces so her mother could pick them up easily.

'  Have you had a good week at work? It's exam time soon isn't it?'

 Jackie taught Geography at the local school and her mother loved hearing all Jackie's anecdotes about the children.

'Yes it is, exams next week and then it won't be long till the holidays.  Do you remember the  new boy I told you about, the one from  Australia? His elder brother's in a band that's just signed a deal with a record company. It's boosted his popularity no end and he's going to arrange for the class to go to a gig. It's just what he needed. I still get such a thrill at seeing children blossom and overcome their challenges.

'Oh how wonderful  Jackie. What's the band called''

 Jackie smiled. 'It's a funny name, something like Waft.'

Her mother looked at her over the top of her coffee cup.

'They were on the television the other day, sounded very catchy.'

Jackie loved the way her mother kept up with things. She had such a great love for other people and always showed such interest.


Jackie's  mother took a careful sip of her cappuccino and then popped another piece of pastry in her mouth.  Jackie held her mother's hand letting the warmth flow through her arm and give her strength.  The loving care  and concern in her mother's voice made her want to cry.

Just going through the motions of taking her mother for a coffee and having a gentle conversation was filling her with a sense of hope.  Her life seemed to have changed so quickly. In the last year her daughter, Nell had gone to Australia for two years, her mother had become wheelchair bound and Mike had become so distant.   She had been planning to take early retirement and be able to spend more time looking after her mother but now felt totally lost.

 Jackie's mother smiled at her, her eyes twinkled with the good humour and love that had always given  Jackie such comfort.

'You were always a great mum to come home to, when I was growing up. No matter what sort of day I had knowing you were there Mum, was marvellous for me. '

?I'm still here for you. Everything will be alright I know it. Mike's a good man. He loves you and Nell.  Maybe for half-term you could take him away to one of those spa hotels. I saw a lovely one advertised in a magazine at the hairdressers, in Brighton. It would do you both good.'

'That sounds lovely. I could just book it up and  surprise him. But what if he doesn't want to come? '

'One step at a time  Jackie. Have a plan a and a Plan B. Think in your heart what you really want and go for it. If you want Mike back then take him away and thrash it out. however painful it may be ask him to tell you his side. Then if there is no hope you must have an action plan. first you must let your heart heal.  You will have had  a shock and you will feel a great loss.  Whatever you do Jackie don't let bitterness and resentment seep into your heart.'

 Jackie looked at her mother in amazement.

'Gosh mum you sound very experienced in these matters.'

 Jackie's mother smiled at her . 'Your father had an affair when you were sixteen. It broke my heart but then I asked myself what I could have done to prevent it and the answer is very little. I now think that if someone is faithful or unfaithful it's because of the way they are as a person not because of their partner's failings. Someone can get it all right and still be let down.
Most of the couples I know have gone through some sort of crisis and I've come to the conclusion that there are three reasons why someone isn't unfaithful. It's obvious why they are really,  It's  why they're not that we need to understand. Well I think it's lack of opportunity, or laziness or fear of losing your partner that keep people from being unfaithful. In your father's case he had to go away a lot on business with his secretary. I suppose eating together in restaurants and sharing so much time together... but in the end he chose me, and you dear Jackie.'

 Jackie thought of how much her father seemed to love her mother, he was totally devoted to her and since his retirement was  always looking for ways to make her happy.

'Perhaps it's a matter of riding the storm'  Jackie looked at her mother.
'Let's have another cappuccino Mum. your mouth must be dry after that long speech. Thank you so much. I feel so much better.'

When  Jackie came back with their drinks she noticed a slightly built  pretty woman , about the same age as her, sitting at the table next to theirs. She was wearing a woollen hat and a trench coat and hunched up looked like a spy. A handsome man was sitting near her and Flora watched him lean over and whisper in her ear and then they were kissing quite passionately for the Cedar Cafè. 

'Just one thing though Mum what if he does choose her?'

'I'll be here for you  Jackie.'

Jackie  laid her head gently on her mother's shoulder like she did when she was a little girl.

As she stood in the queue waiting to pay, Jackie looked around at the warm cosy cafè. It seemed like a refuge, a place to share burdens and joys and then leave them there and go on your way somehow stronger. She looked at the schoolgirls on the sofa, laughing  at their own private world. They were poised on the edge of adulthood and probably had no idea how precious their time of life could be. There was a couple of women talking in hushed tones and one of them looked very sad. There was the middle-aged couple locked in a passionate embrace. Over by the window there were elderly women on their own, holding on to their coffee cups as though to gather the warmth into their hearts. There were some business men busy on their laptops and a young man scribbling away in a notebook.

Jackie looked across at her mother again. She looked so beautiful and Jackie's heart swelled with gratitude and love. She still had a black cloud over her head, she still felt as though someone had punched her in the stomach and was trying to tear out her heart, but thanks to her mother's calm and comforting talk she knew the door that could have let in resentment and hurtful recriminations had  been firmly closed.