Stories from The Cedar Cafè, Lisa 4

Every  Friday Lisa went with her friends Fiona and Kate to The Cedar Cafè. Now they were in the Sixth form they were allowed to go out of school during their free periods and The Cedar cafè was just a short walk from school.  They always tried to get the sofa and put their cappuccinos and muffins on the table in front of them making them last for the whole hour. Lisa loved the feeling of being squashed together  on the sofa looking at their phones and  making idle remarks.  The sofa felt like a magic kingdom to Lisa. While she was sitting there with her friends nothing bad could happen to her, she was safe.  Her friends made her feel a better person. They never said unkind things about the other girls and were all interested in so many things, books, art, films, voluntary work.

Every morning  Lisa left her house feeling dirty, tainted, inferior. Her father's cruel taunts ringing in her ears, her mother's silence confirming the low opinion Lisa had formed of herself.  It was only when she got on the bus that she became just another schoolgirl, one of the crowd,  united in their aim to get to school and follow their lessons.  By the time she was sitting at her desk she could pretend that she was like all the other girls. They all arrived in the classroom, brimming with news of boys and homework, dancing classes and Youth clubs.

Lisa turned as the door to the cafè opened bringing a blast of cold air.  It was Mrs. Browning who worked at the day centre in the Retirement home. She was with a younger woman and they had a bag from the new dress shop. Lisa's mother had bought a dress there last week and Lisa recognized the bag. It had been a rare moment of female complicity as Lisa had admired the dress and asked if she could keep the bag for her make up and nail polish. Lisa worked at the hairdressers on Saturday mornings and Marie, the French girl who worked there had taught her how to do manicures and now Lisa did voluntary work at the day centre. The old ladies there relied on her to make sure their hair and nails were in order. While she was at the hairdressers and doing the manicures Lisa felt as though her life was normal, she belonged somewhere.

Kate nudged her and asked her to look at a photo of a boy she liked on Facebook. She was worried that the boy was standing too close to another girl. Lisa reassured her that the photo didn't look compromising at all. Kate relaxed and went back to scanning her photos.

Lisa looked across at Mrs. Browning and thought about the conversation she had overheard at the day centre last week.
 Mrs. Painter had chosen a purple sparkly nail polish and Lisa was getting things ready for her manicure.
 She knew that Mrs. Browning was recording the old people's memories. Some of the stories were like a historical documentary.
 Something in Mrs. Painter's tone made Lisa go cold. She saw Mrs. Browning stiffen and tears fall on her cheeks and then sit down heavily with a sigh. Lisa had got up and gone to fetch some tissues. It was such an intimate moment. In her heart Lisa knew what they were talking about, difficult childhoods with difficult parents and alcohol. Anyone who had experienced it knew, it was there all the time, the fear and the dread. Lisa knew what it was like to hear a man come in the door different from the one that had gone out a few hours before, changed by the acohol. She knew what it was like to see a woman cower and feel it was her fault and retreat into a shell.
Mrs. Painter, Mrs.Browning and Lisa, they all knew, and now Mrs. Painter was having the courage to talk about it.

Fiona was talking abot her party. Kate told her to be careful with the invitations.
Lisa picked up her cappuccino and held it in her hands, the warmth giving her strength.

'Be careful with the alcohol at your party. My mum told me that once she went to a party and someone spiked the drinks with vodka. One of the girls was really ill and they had to call an ambulance.'

Fiona stopped looking at her phone and turned to Lisa.

'Maybe I could ask my brother and his friends to stay near the door, make sure only people who have been invited come in.'

Lisa picked up the bill.
'My treat today, I've  had a few tips from the old people.'

While she was queueing she glanced at Mrs. Browning. The younger woman was holding her hand and smiling at her so warmly, it gave Lisa comfort just to watch. Maybe she could bring her mother here for coffee, maybe they could talk together like that, away from the heavy atmosphere at home, perhaps they could be two women, mother and daughter, enjoying being together.

Fiona and Kate came to join her in the queue.

'Did you see those two snogging' they looked like my mum and dad, can't imagine them doing that. Keep you tips Lisa, buy a new dress for the party. I think that Oscar fancies you.'

They all collapsed in giggles. Three young girls  laughing, enjoying being together.