Moaning Minnie's Dail Rant, happiness and pain

Today I 'm going to pause awhile in my moaning, which is I must say, very cathartic. That word 'cathartic' always makes me smile, because once in double English when I was in the third year, the teacher said that word and my friend Catherine thought she said 'Who's farted?' and couldn't stop laughing, so she got sent out of the door.
usually it was me that got sent out the door, but I knew what 'cathartic' meant cos my dad often said it, usually when he was talking about my uncle Jim, who'd had three wives and no-one really knew why, because they all seemed to want to hang on to him, but that's a long story.
Uncle Jim has a new companion at the moment. He met her on a website called 'Lots of fish in the sea' or something. He'd put 'no strings attached' which wasn't strictly true because he is still married to his third wife, just she's gone a bit nutty and he feels sorry for her.
But I digress, I wanted to talk about the life lessons that can be learned from things going wrong as you gaily trip along life's road. Things and people I might add, people like Dreadful D. I mean how times do you hear people say 'It's not what happens to you, it's the way you deal with it'? That sort of thing. It's the modern way isn't it? It's always you that has to put things right and put on a brave face. Well actually me, not you, because this is all about me.

Anyway I've been reading 'The Little Prince' by Saint Exupèry and at first glance it seems like it is a story with a happy, joyful, naive look at life. While reading it I was struck by the fact that even though this intensely sunny outlook on life remains throughout the book it develops and becomes more complex, mature and real. It unites pain and happiness in the same existence, patience and protest in the same expressions, it helps you understand that the darkest night and the lightest laugh are sewn together with the same thread. These are lessons that lead you to an understanding of the profundity of life.

So from now on with my daily rants there will be a life lesson from Minnie too.


There is no sunshine without rain
No happiness without some pain
I know it's true
And so do you
Just love me and I'll do the same.

Thoughts on EU

Everybody knows that Great Britain or The United Kingdom has voted to leave the EU .
Now I'm English one hundred per cent and I love England deeply and always will. It's a part of me. I wasn't allowed to vote in the referendum because I've lived outside the UK for more than fifteen years. Fair enough you may say. I moved abroad for love, surely one of the best reasons.
I grew up in an England that was proud and happy to be part of the United Kingdom, I thought we were all happy to be together, England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales.
I grew up in a land of free milk at school, polio jabs, free dentists, free opticians, horrible free national Health spectacles,child allowance paid directly to my mum, heating allowances, government grants to build a bathroom if you hadn't got one, waving at the Queen as she rode past in a limousine, going up to London for the day on the train, going to the cinema as a special treat to see James Bond, Mary Poppins, the Black and White minstrels, BBC comedy, Listen with Mother, children's hour, Tizer, Saturday morning at the pictures, and on and on.

Near our house there was a housing estate with small pre- fabricated houses for refugees from London and Easter Europe, they had exotic names ending in ski or ov. They were happy to be there, they felt safe, away from the horrors they had seen.
The shadow of the wars hung over us. My dad had spent his youth in the Middle East mending RAF planes. He hated war, he hated the people that had sent all those young men to war. They had stolen his youth, he saw no pride in war. My mother saw no glory in her brother presumed missing who never came back.
We went to France on holiday. My mother had a French friend that had stayed in England during the war because she had an English grandfather. We went to stay with them. They took us to see the battle fields of Northern France. We were saddened and sombre. We kissed and hugged each other. We were friends.

My dad took us camping in Europe. He loved Europe. We went on holiday touring Europe. He delighted in following sign posts to Paris, Brussels, Bern, Innsbruck. We went to campsites and  sat around with Germans drinking and saying prost. My dad thought it was wonderful We were all friends.
In 1966 we won the World Cup, I can still remember the excitement and the fun, the names of the players, Bobbie Moore, Bobbie Charlton, Geoff Hurst, Gordon banks. We went on holiday straight after, on the ferry across the channel we chatted to the dejected German fans, we felt a bit sorry for the, it had been a close victory, but it had been at Wembley on English soil and it meant a lot to us.

The years go by and I start to realize that the Scots and the Irish don't quite like us as much as I like them. For the Scots it seems to be about the Cheviots, the stag and the black, black oil. The Irish have good reason, History shows us that. The Irish situation is a black cloud hanging over Britain, something to be ashamed of. My time spent studying in London is marred by bomb scares, but no-one in power seems to know what to do.

We join the Common Market. My dad believed in Free Trade so he thought free movement of people was a good idea too. He worked hard, he was a self made man. He had great respect for women and their role in keeping a family together.  He hated war more and more, wanted to tear down all the generals stuck up on their plinths. He said peace was fragile, the United Kingdom was fragile. Joining the Common Market could keep us together. He thought it was wonderful that the French, the Dutch and the Belgians had joined forces with the Germans.
My Mum always said that united we stand, that my dad had fought so my brother would never have to go to war. We must stick together, as a family, as a country, as a continent, as the world.

Never once was peace made an issue of the decision to remain or leave.
We must respect the vote, it was a democratic vote, from a country that values freedom.
What we must hope for now is that the EU will become stronger, that the people in power will try and keep it together.

My Italian father- in- law admired Britain, it's democracy, it's values. He loved Europe, he knew what war in Europe was like and he didn't want it again.

Europe is a beautiful continent. In a short distance you can travel from mountains to lakes to beautiful coastlines. The young people of Europe are happy to live and work in each other's countries, broadening and opening their minds to other ways of doing things. They come home again enriched.

Italians have got to know the British better in recent years, they love their sense of humour, their reliability. Many highly qualified Italians work in important research in Britain, in highly skilled jobs. For a country of immigrants used to being sent down mines this is a magnificent achievement.

Italians are saddened by the Leave vote but they respect it, after all it's democracy. 

Let us hope now though that it is the start of a stronger and more united EU. That would be the best for all of us.

Let us hope that the United Kingdom does not disintegrate, that would leave England vulnerable and fragile. 

Good luck to all.

Moaning Minnie's Daily Rant, Eleanor Rossevelt quote

I don't know much about Eleanor Roosevelt
 but I know she said that if anyone makes you feel inferior then it's your fault, because it often pops up in book covers and in little books about aphorisms and clever comments that are meant to make your life easier. I think that's quite a good one actually, but you can't apply it to much else. you can't really say that if anyone hurts you then it's your fault can you?

Moaning Minnie's daily Rant, Phone call etiquette

You know that expression, Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth'? Yes well that is very appropriate for Dreadful D and Perfect Pete. believe me, people who don't use their conscience are very dangerous, they are able to turn the page and carry on as though nothing has happened because they don't hurt inside see.
Now today I was thinking about Perfect Pete and thinking that he has been hurting me since I was eight years old.  He hurts me still..
He's very good at sending text messages that put the ball in my court all the time. He says let me know when you are free. Well the point is, that it's him that is never free, he can only speak to me from his office, because Dreadful D has a phone phobia. He told me that when the phone rings she goes into a panic, she has the screaming habdabs, it doesn't matter who it is, she can't cope with the phone. Do you believe that? Neither do I.
Now Dreadful D and Perfect Pete have masses of friends, and the friends insisted that they had an answer phone put it, because the friends want to be able to invite them to all their events, parties, balls, dinners, whatever. Well they what do is if the phone rings and they are sitting there they just let the answer machine answer so everyone in the room hears the poor person that rung them sort of pleading like 'would you like to come to dinner, to Pilates, to the book club, to whatever.?' everyone hears them. Well I think that's rude so I don't ever leave messages on their phone. Also their phone has a caller ID and so you know that they know it's you ringing and they might just be sitting there letting you ramble on to their machine.
So it's texts and emails and that's it. But they take ages to reply so I've just dried up and lost my enthusiasm, but that's where they're clever see, because they now say it's me that doesn't answer.

Moaning Minnies Daily Rant, The Unopened Letter

The tone of a person's voice has always been very important for me. It's not what you say, it's the way you say it, that sort of thing.
My name isn't really Minnie, it's Margaret, and whenever someone calls me Margaret I feel a bit afraid, which is daft isn't it, because Margaret is my name. My best friend Penny says the same. Her name's Penelope but never in her life has anyone called her that, except her ex-husband, but that's a long story.
Anyway some things can be said in any tone of voice and the meaning is clear, I like pizza, the sun is shining, even I love you can be uttered through gritted teeth and still be acceptable. When you put kindness in your voice though, or even better, love, then everyone feels better.
Winnie-the-Pooh fans might remember the bit when Winnie overdoes it eating homey, big time, and he gets stuck in Rabbit's warren. When Christopher Robin arrives on the scene and looks at Winnie and says, 'Silly old bear,', everyone feels hopeful again. All because of his tone of voice.
Now Dreadful D said something that without any love or kindness in her voice, made it sound so awful, that something broke in me. Now she is Perfect Pete's OH, so although she made me feel let's say uncomfortable, I did all those things that come sort of naturally to me, like, if there is not love put love and then there will be love, if you want to have a friend be a friend, all those things. I did this for years and years and we jogged along, then for the last two years something went wrong, Perfect Pete said it wasn't me, but there we are, maybe it was all a bit beyond him too.
So I wrote them a letter telling them how much I cared for them, how much I'd like things to be easier and friendlier. Well you'll never believe it but they didn't even open it, just handed it back to me and told me to read it. Then Dreadful D said these words,
'I've told him (PP) that if I hadn't married him then I wouldn't have had his family.'
The tone of voice was not of the sort with kindness and love, and all that is left of his family, is me, because Dreadful D even reminded me that my parents were no longer on this earth.
Now all those years of putting Perfect Pete and Dreadful D first and one day Mum even asked her why she had come to live next door if she didn't like Margaret?, yes even my Mum called me Margaret when she wanted to seem serious, and Dreadful D went off in a huff.

Now if I didn't know me I'd probably be thinking, well Margaret must have done something wrong. Well I've racked my brains, I looked it up in case you're wondering, you can rack or wrack your brains, the same thing. At the moment all that I can come up with is that I am Perfect Pete's sister, but now as having his family seems to be what was stopping them from having Perfect happiness, that won't be a problem any more.


Life Lesson for today:-
If you give someone a letter and they tell you they want to discuss it, make sure they have actually read it before you invite them round.

Ps When I asked Perfect Pete why he hadn't read it he said he knew I'd have written nice positive things in it because he knows me and so he was sure it was a nice letter full of kindness, but when I asked him why he hadn't warned me that they hadn't read it, how could they have just sat there eating my food and chatting away without having told me she wouldn't read it so he didn't dare to, well he had no answer. My OH has though and it isn't very complimentary.

Moaning Minnie';s Daily Rant, Light-hearted, superficial, indifference

The other day I told Perfect Pete that I wished I could be more indifferent like him. Would you believe it? He got offended, went off in a huff. So I asked him if he preferred to be described as light- hearted and he said he did.

You see the fact is that for years he and Dreadful D just seem indifferent. If they see me, fine, if they don't see me fine. Whereas I get hurt, feel left out, get upset, all those miserable feelings that cast a shadow over your days.

Well I thought about being light hearted and decided that was even worse than being indifferent, it's sort of the end of the road, whereas indifference could be a cover for some real feelings. 

So we have, light hearted, superficial, indifference, yuk!!

Moaning Minnie';s Daily Rant, What a pity someone has to win

Now here's what happens to me every time I watch a football match, I start off enjoying the singing, the colourful crowds and the way the camera zooms in and when the people realize it's them being filmed they make funny faces and look so happy.

Then I like the anthems and the hopeful and joyful expressions. Then  after the kick off I admire any fancy foot work and clever passes and shots at the goal. Then I think how fit the referee must be to run around all over the place.

Then if one side scores a goal as I watch the euphoria of the fans I start to feel sorry for the other side and if they score a school then their euphoria is even greater because they were losing and now they're not. 

My ideal result for all football matches would be a draw, that would be perfect ,a draw every time.

Angels like Harmony

An angel used to live in Marian Boswell's heart. It had crept inside when Marian was a baby, lured by the sweetnes of Marian's sunny disposition. It had snuggled down among the golden fluffy softness, and kept Marian company as she gurgled her way through babyhood, smiled her way through childhood and grown into a charming young woman. Her parents had been delighted with her, calling her their princess. Everyone she met warmed to her and the angel bounced happily along on puffy, white clouds of good humour, safe in the warmth of Marian's good nature.

All this sweetness and softness attracted many people, hoping to warm themselves by being near to Marian and banish the coldness and hardness from within them.

Marian was working secretary in a large hospital when she met Paul Boswell.

He was an ambitious doctor and decided straight away that Marian was just what he needed and would be better employed as his wife.

It soon became Marian's job to supply all the good humour that was lacking in Paul. 

The angel found that her haven was getting rather cramped and would often try and stretch its' wings to make more room.

Paul and Marian found out that they couldn't have children. Paul threw himself  into his career as a cosmetic surgeon. He discovered that one of his patient's, a voluptuous dark haired beauty, who wanted to be even more voluptuous, could have his children. It was Marian's fault after all.

Marian conceded a divorce, she thoughg it was best for the children and got another job as a secretary in a new hotel. 

She let Paul have the house so the children could run around in the garden and moved into a small flat overlooking the park.

One day the manager at the hotel called her into his office. He cleared his throat and looked out of the window as he told her that they needed someone more personable in the reception area.

That evening Marian looked  at herself in the mirror and tears ran down her face as she cried for the girl she had been.

Her mouth drooped at the corners, her hair was dull and flat. For the first time she felt cheated by life, bitterness crept into her heart.

Her parents, long gone had never put importance on physical appearance, they'd always said it was what you were like inside that mattered.

As she thought of her parents Marian felt a chill of loneliness. She looked out of the window at the park and envy entered her heart as she watched the families eating ice cream and playing ball.

There was a loud bang from the flat next door. There was angry shouting in a language that Marian didn't recognize. A child was crying.

The angel crept out of Marian's heart. Its' wing was bent and it felt uncomfortable, it also smelled a bit funny. It moved onto Marian's shoulder and whispered in her ear.

Marian put her hand up and flicked back her hair. She opened her door and peered round it. There was a man with a scowl on his face trying to fit  the key in the door, a woman bent over a suitcase, its' contents spilling onto the floor, two small children clutching her skirt. They all looked tired and forlorn. The man spoke, aggression and defiance in his voice,

'We have come to live here,' he glared at her in defiance.

The angel fluttered its' wings.

Marian opened the door wider., she smiled and made a sweeping gesture with her arms.

'Come in and I will make you a drink. The little ones can stay with me while you get settled. I could takem down to the park for an ice cream.'

The man hesitated and then his face cleared a little and he gave his wife a gentle push of encouragement. He bowed his head slightly and held out his hand,

'Thank you, that is kind.'

The angel crept back into Marian's heart.

It's easy to get inspiration on a beach like this

What more could you want?

Moaning Minnie's Daily rant, Wear the right shoes

It's holiday time! Not much to moan about when going on holiday, what's not to like.

Ever since I went to Butlins in Clacton- on- Sea I've got excited about holidays. It's just that I'm not very good at packing.

I've read all sorts of articles over the years about capsule wardrobes, scarves that can be used as beach wraps or shawls, packing clothes in only three colours so everything goes with everything but I'm still useless.

So I was thinking today what are the essentials, what do you really need to pack and I thought that it's a bit like life, you need to equip yourself and to get a good nights sleep.

So start off with footwear. Be prepared for any terrain.

A pair of shoes for the journey that look smart but are comfortable.

A pair of sandals for the beach that can get wet and sandy and not get ruined.

A pair of sports shoes for scrambling over rocks and walking cobbled streets.

A pair of high heels just in case.

So there you are ready to go.

After footwear concentrate on what you need for a good nights sleep. Two silk nighties are essential. Silk is good for the skin and will soothe away any sunburn. A

After footwear and night wear pack what you need for personal hygiene, preferably in light plastic packaging, no heavy glass bottles, and don't forget your toothbrush.

A notebook and pen are next, and a good book.

Clothes will depend on the sort of holiday you're going on.

Lastly pack a sense of adventure, a heart full of love and an open mind.

Anywhere you go, any journey you make will have you going home again somehow different, refreshed, recharged,more tolerant and with more to give.

Moaning Minnie's Daily Rant, Learn from the past, plan for the future, enjoy the present

On Facebook I often see posts telling us to forget the past, not to worry about the future and just live for the present. The wording changes but the gist is the same. This morning I got 3 messages like this in some form or other.

Learn from the past, plan for the future,  live for the moment.

Well it can't be quite like that can it? Easier said than done and all that. If it  was so easy people wouldn't keep going on about it.
 

Fact is that our past weighs heavily upon us whether we like it or not.

Fact is that if we were meant to live like that then we wouldn't have a memory and we wouldn't have an imagination. We'd just be blobs, or robots.

So if anyone has hurt you then you can be wary of them so they don't hurt you again, I know quite a bit about that, having struggled with the dreadful D for years.

Have I told you about her? Well I will one day.

Another thing that pops up on Facebook is how we are responsible for our own happiness. Hahaha!! What do you think?

Like the thing about living and enjoying the present, easier said than done.

How much more pleasant our lives might have been without that horrible teacher, unpleasant girl at school, jealous  relative, mean boss. 

But no, it is our reaction that is important isn't it? It's not what happens to us, it's the way we deal with it. Hahaha

I was exhausted before I'd even had my morning coffee. My OH says I shouldn't take it too seriously.

OH means Other half, I'll tell you about him one day too.

That's all for today, I'm off to enjoy the present!!

Moaning Minnie's daily Rant, Believe in Yourself

My brother was older than me and just perfect, handsome face, thick wavy hair, bright blue eyes,polite and easily disciplined, well -groomed and industrious. He was good at everything, brilliant artist, brilliant at school sang beautifully, girls fancied him, other boys liked him, everyone thought he was a saint.
Then they got me, and I got the left overs. Wispy hair that wouldn't go where my mum wanted it too, average looks, eyes the colour of mud, unremarkable in every way, no dress sense, an inappropriate sense of humour, completely tone deaf, totally unadventurous.
You might think I was jealous, well I wasn't, not at all, I was his number one fan, along with my mum and dad.
You might think my mum and dad didn't like me, or love me, or wish they'd just had him, but no not at all. They loved me just as much, they just didn't know what to do with me. I was sort of in the way.
Mediocre looks, mediocre brain, not really good at anything at all. Along with my pathetic list of talents I also lacked any competitive spirit at all. When I saw how much it meant to the others  I just stood back and let them win, not minding at all, happy to watch the smiles of triumph on their faces.

Until now. It's a bit late though because my youth is long gone and my parents too.

Our lives. like History, are a sequence of haphazard events. We are dealt a hand, some are luckier than others, starting with where and when you are born, the family you are given , the looks you are given, the character you are given. Oh yes, that is all down to luck isn't it?

I didn't introduce myself, my name is Minnie. I forgot to say that there was one thing I was always good at, excelled at, and that was moaning. Mum called me 'Moaning Minnie.'
The brother I was talking about was called Peter, mum called him 'Perfect Peter.'

So there we were Perfect Pete and me, growing up together. Mum and dad concentrated so much on him that they forgot about me. It didn't seem to matter at the time. I was always good for a laugh. I'd come home from school singing Rule Britannia at the top of my voice, out of tune and drawing out the 'Britains neeeeeer..' bit and everyone would be holding their side with laughter.
Perfect Pete was in the choir and we'd go and see him sing in concerts. that was when my unfortunate sense of humour became famous. All that slow, solemn, singing, durgy I would call it, the serious faces and the twangy cellos and i couldn't hold in my giggles. there'd be glances of disapproval all around us.
When things got too serious I always got the giggles
I used to have to think of something really sad to stop myself snorting with laughter. that's much easier now, too many sad things now.

As we grew up it was obvious that Perfect Pete would get the pick of the bunch of all the girls. I panicked when I heard there were more women than men in the world. I felt doomed and when Tom Fawley asked me out I didn't hesitate. there I was just fifteen and he had saved me from a life time of loneliness. It didn't matter that I didn't really like his smell or the way he dressed, or his chain smoking and beer breath, he had saved me.
We went out in foursomes with Pete and his latest beauty, always glossy and glamorous with names like Caroline or Rebecca. Tom would always comment on how gorgeous they were and if he could be so lucky.

I was totally in awe of Tom, my saviour from spinsterhood. I did whatever he told me, from what to eat in the pub, to the subjects to take at school.

That's all for today from Moaning Minnie

See you tomorrow.........................................


Life Lesson number 1, think for yourself, believe in yourself, don't just blindly follow what other people tell you to do, or tell you about yourself. Don't let other people put you down, whoever they are.